Joy

Rev. William Aulenbach was a round-headed elf who wore a pinkish clerical shirt and wire rimmed glasses. At least 80 years old, he would shuffle into the dining hall at Webb School shortly after noon every Wednesday. Without waiting for a greeting from the headmaster or asking permission, he would turn on the microphone and shout “it’s great to be alive.”

We, students and teachers alike, knew what our response was expected to be. “Joy, joy, joy” we would dutifully reply.

In our first year at Webb, I wondered why and how this tradition had started. It seemed a little hokey. Over time, I came to view it as giving an old man a moment in the spotlight he once enjoyed as a parish rector, late-life recognition for him once a week in a life now out of the main stream of daily service to others.

These days, I see Rev. Aulenbach differently. He wished that all of us would see the joy that can come in living. He was still being a pastor.

Joy has been on my mind, prompted by a phone conversation with my sister, Sandee. I told her that a book our father had given to me bore the title Surprised by Joy. C.C. Lewis wrote it, and since he had married a woman named Joy late in his life, I assumed, wrongly, that the book was about discovering love.

It is helpful to read books before deciding what they are about.

Sandee and I pondered how joy was different from happiness. Modern usage often uses the two words interchangeably. When we rang off, I googled “joy” to find its etymology, and I clicked on a few of the articles that sounded, from their titles, like comparisons and contrasting of joy and happiness.

The upshot, of course, is that nobody really knows. Philosophers and poets have taken their shots at differentiating but they all base their points of view on certain assumptions. That leaves the field open for others, like me, to try my own reflections.

If you grew up in a Protestant Church and/or celebrated Christmas, you sang about “tidings of comfort and joy” and “joy to the world.”  If you are a Person of a Certain Age, you might have giggled at a different “joy to the world” that also wishes “joy to the fishes in the deep blue see, joy to you and me.” If you enjoy classical orchestral music, you know that Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony was called “Ode to Joy,” named for the Frederic Schiller poem of the same name that provides the text for the singers in the fourth movement.

I think these references to joy are related. I also think each reveals how joy is different than happiness.

Joy bears a relationship to religion that happiness does not. In the Christmas story, people in need of God are being told that the awaited one has arrived. A messiah is not a transitory image; it is about something lasting—salvation in Christian understanding—and salvation would bring joy.

It was in that sense of the word that C.S. Lewis wrote about being surprised. He was raised as an average Anglican schoolboy who, as he matured, fell away from his belief to become a self-proclaimed atheist. Then, using the path of reason, he finds his way back to belief, finds joy and writes about it.

Schiller’s poem begins by connecting joy with the divine without being too specific. I don’t know that much about other major religions of the world. But I surmise that whatever believers find in their faith transcends momentary happiness, connecting people in some lasting way to something higher than themselves. At its purest, might not evangelism, for whatever faith tradition, be a sincere desire to invite others to share the joy one has found in faith?

Yet joy is not bounded by faith. I described to Sandee how I watched two red-vented bulbul birds busying themselves atop a tree outside our bedroom window. Apparently a pair, the two flitted back and forth with twigs and string to build a nest, pausing to snap a bug or two out of the air for sustenance.

Watching them, I felt joy.

Recently, Judy and I watched the sun set into a horizon unencumbered by clouds, perfect conditions for the green flash of light we saw as it disappeared. I suppose we were happy to be in the right place at the right time in the right conditions. What I felt, though, was joy.

Lives are constructed in very small bits. History and the history unfolding in the news we ingest every day focuses on the big bits. In doing so, we are distracted from seeing the joy available to us every day.

What nonsense lines: “Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea. Joy to you and me.” What profound lines, too.

One of Dad’s favorite verses in poetry was Wordsworth’s calling out “the little unremembered acts of kindness and of love.” How many unremembered moments of available joy do we miss because we are focused on big bits, like a messiah coming, and miss the little bits, the fish, the bulbuls, the green flash?

Joy incorporates gratitude and reverence and love and peace. It is a state of mind and not a transitory emotion.

And, as Rev. Aulenbach was teaching, you don’t seek it. It comes to you.

Don’t Let the Turkeys Get You Down

Don’t Let the Turkeys Get You Down

The backyard at our Sacramento house sloped toward a canyon that led to the American River. Turkeys and deer were occasional visitors to our yard but, thankfully, no skunks or mountain lions to our knowledge. Neither the deer nor the turkeys made any noise when they came to visit. One minute the yard was empty; the next, we had guests.

Where the grass ended and the wildness began, there was a large stump, the remains of a tree some previous owner had cut down.  That stump was a perfect seat for sitting and meditating or observing or even reading. For our cats, the stump was an ideal perch from which to survey their surroundings in between cat naps.

One day, Fritz, our tabby, was curled up on the stump passing the time the way cats do. During one of his naps, a flock of a dozen turkeys infiltrated the yard, noiselessly, pecking at the ground, oblivious to Fritz. Fritz awoke to a cat’s worst nightmare—being surrounded by monster-birds.

Fritz was as smart as cats usually are. But cat-smartness does not include information about whether or not turkeys or monster-birds eat cats. Fritz was smart enough to know that sticking around to find out about the eating habits of these creatures would not be smart. He decided on a path through the forest of turkey legs and shot across the lawn, up the stairs and into the house to find sanctuary.

Judy watched and laughed. Fritz never saw the humor.

Not long ago, I had my five-year-out meeting with the oncologist who treated my prostate cancer in 2013. Coincidentally, within the last six months, a half dozen men friends have heard their doctors confirm cancerous prostates. Their diagnoses and my appointment prompted me to think about the day my urologist gave me the news.

I hope I am not naïve about life and death maters.  As has been observed, the mortality rate for humans is 100%. For the most part, though, until some illness strikes, we live our lives far more focused on how we will manage the day-to-day than on what might be the cause of our demise. When the doctor, after performing a biopsy, told me “Dr. White, three-quarters of your prostate is fine,” I wondered for a while if the manner of my exit was now established.

Like the turkeys, the cancer came silently. I was feeling fine, getting ready to retire, unprepared for my primary care physician’s “I feel something I don’t like” comment following his physical examination of my prostate. That planted a seed of anxiety. The results of the biopsy fertilized it. In hindsight, it was that unspoken anxiety that constituted a flock of turkeys in my mind as much or more so than the disease.

I could identify with Fritz. I needed to plot a way through the forest of turkey legs to find my sanctuary. I was determined not to feel sorry for myself but I did harbor some ungracious thoughts about other people who might have deserved to have cancer more than me.

It did not take me long to find my way through the turkeys, and I did not resort to cowering in a safe place, ignoring the world around me. Before long, I had a boatload of information—I am a student, after all—that helped me shape my course of action and built my confidence in the outcomes.  I had terrific medical practitioners working for me—the oncologist introduced himself and then said “I’ve done this procedure 2,000 times” to reassure me right off the bat—and I had been diagnosed early.

So my annual chats with the doctors have not included any bad news. Several of my friends confronting their own turkeys have enjoyed similar success. We all acknowledge how lucky we have been to benefit from the skills and support of others.

I think we have also shared an outlook exemplified by a second cat that lived with us on that Sacramento canyon: Rigby, an orange, neutered male cat. We saw him one day in the yard surrounded by our other silent visitors, deer. Rather than running away, Rigby seemed curious about these critters who, like him, had four legs, but were dramatically taller and clearly not interested in him. After a while, his curiosity seemed satisfied, and he found a spot where he could continue his nap.

People of a Certain Age, I am certain that every one of us has had multiple times in our lives when a flock of turkeys or a herd of deer have suddenly and silently appeared. I also suspect that, sometimes, the emotions and anxieties stimulated by these intrusions have come to be as big a challenge as the actual issue.

More often than not, the default emotion, irrational though it might be, is fear, and it is real to us. The urge to run to a safe place and hide is strong.

We can try to cultivate in ourselves the Rigby Approach, although there is that old saying that “curiosity killed the cat.” Better still, we can be grateful that there are people in our lives who can help us navigate through the forest of turkey legs to find the sanctuary that is peace of mind.

Daniel E. White

April 14, 2019