The Habit of Helping

“When I landed in Florida to work after the hurricane, I got a call from the lead manager,” said the young man, age 19. “We need you to be a supervisor for a volunteer unit of 90 people.”

His “regular” job was in Boston’s Red Cross agency, helping with their blood bank. He was coming to Florida from Houston where he had spent the last several days as a Red Cross volunteer for that flooded city. Before getting back to Boston, he spent days in Puerto Rico.

These were not his first disasters. Volunteering to deploy to the aftermath of hurricanes and floods had become a habit.

NPR caught up with him. That’s how I heard the story. He would like to be able to go to college but he doesn’t have the money yet. So he works the blood bank job to save up tuition money and goes out to trouble spots when needed.

“The hardest part,” he said, “is being with the people who have just lost everything. About all you can do is to be there to listen.”

Our newspaper profiled a man, now in his 80s, who decided a couple of decades ago to look after the needs and lives of veterans of the Korean War. He described them as veterans of the “forgotten war.” He doesn’t make any money but he makes lots new friends.

A few years ago, our Rotary Club began a relationship with Women in Need, an organization that operates houses open to women just leaving incarceration, offering a way for these women to ease back into life on the outside. Judy and a few other club members collect bottles of toiletries, toothpaste, and toothbrushes to put into bags that are given to each woman as she enters one of the residences.

A while back, Judy organized a workday for club members at one of the houses to clear space for planting a succulent garden to spruce up the front of the place. Since then, the women residents have done a good job of tending to the plants. Sometime this spring, the club will clear another space to plant, perhaps with vegetables. A couple of the women at the residence have referred to Judy as “the garden lady.”

At Christmas, Judy and her colleagues made Christmas bags for all 30 of the residents. She reminded me the day we delivered the bags that one of the staff members of WIN had told Judy that residents have said “I can’t believe that these people who don’t know us would do something nice for us like this.”

In Spring 2017, the Senior Class at Island Pacific Academy put on a real “senior” prom. They worked with the staff at the retirement community a few blocks from the school to stage a prom for the men and women who live there.

We met one of the administrators of the community sometime later. He described how delighted the women were to dress up for the prom and dance with the young men from IPA. The gents liked the dancing part as well, partnering with fellow residents as well as the young women from IPA.

The administrator also noted that he was there as a participant. He had moved to Kapolei from Boston a few years back and had divested himself of most of his Boston clothes.

“I kept my tux, though,” he said with a smile. He acknowledged that using it for a senior prom was not in his thinking when he decided to hold on to it. Here he was, at a senior prom with people older than he, put on IPA seniors younger than he.

These are some of the same kids who collected over 30,000 pounds of food for the Hawaii Food Bank in the course of their four years at IPA.

People of a Certain Age, I offer you concrete examples of the habit of helping, people helping whenever they can. Of course, it is no coincidence that “The Habit of Helping,” and “Whenever You Can Help” were phrases the kids at two schools with which we were quoted often. Sometimes, kids referred to these as the school motto. More important was their eagerness to embody the saying in their actions.

The age range for the people I have outlined above is from 4 to 80. The levels of education range from pre-school to Ph.D. Many religions, many cultural and ethnic backgrounds, widely variable life experiences are all represented in this small sample of people. There is no application or previous qualification required to be one who helps.

For any of us who think that one generation has a corner on generosity of spirit or that a younger generation is “all about me,” that assumption might be wrong.

A friend told me about a TV show detailing an experiment with a band of monkeys from a region that did not freeze over in the Ice Age. So there was plenty. Contrary to the action of another band of monkeys from where survival had been a challenge, the experimental group, when given the chance, did not grab a banana to eat without sharing, but broke up bananas and offered pieces to others.

The 19 year old from Boston would understand the impulse.

Daniel E. White

February 19, 2018

What If

A friend loaned me a library book he described as compelling. The book was so well regarded that, when he tried to renew it to give me more time to read it, he couldn’t.

Ghosts of the Tsunami by Richard Lloyd Parry is an account of the March 11, 2011 earthquake and tsunami disaster along the east coast of Japan that killed thousands and caused a malfunction in nuclear plant reactors that endangered thousands more. The facts of the tragedy serve as background for the specific event Parry investigated (which was lost in American reporting of the disaster); 74 school children at one school died when there was ample opportunity for them to reach safety.

As I read the book, I was struck by a question the author posed over and over again, implicitly and overtly: what if? I won’t spoil the plot and findings for you, hoping that you will read the book. Parry’s account of the specifics of the story prompts one to think beyond the school and the children to consider the habits we form, the traditions we honor, the choices we make.

The same question formed in my mind after the monumental screw-up by Hawaii state officials one Saturday that caused anxious people even greater anxiety they did not need. Media made sure the world heard incessantly, for several news cycles, how panicked the population was over the message that a ballistic missile was on its way to Hawaii.

Many friends asked us how we reacted. We told them we laughed, believing the matter to be a hoax, a hack, or incompetence. No Chicken Littles at this address!

Later, we got angry, not just about the incompetence but also over the hysteria that led state officials to think that having a warning system at all was necessary. (That’s a different conversation.) People of a Certain Age remember living with a real nuclear threat, if our government was to be believed, one day in October 1962, one that would presage war and multiple exchanges of nuclear weapons with a country that had stockpiled thousands. So it is hard to get excited about the latest country trying to build a bomb to gain respect, to deter what it thinks are threats to its survival.

Once the anger subsided, that question popped up: what if? One friend declared that she would proceed to eat up all the chocolate in the house. Another said he would take a walk, preferring nuclear incineration over radiation poisoning. Still another would take a swim. No one mentioned “duck and cover,” the exercise we learned in 1962 which would have simply ordained which part of our anatomy would fry first.

What if? That can be an unsettling question. It can also land one in political trouble if you give the wrong answer. Ask Michael Dukakis who responded intelligently but seemingly without passion in the 1988 presidential campaign to a hypothetical scenario involving his wife. In its work with young men during the days of the Vietnam War draft, the American Friends Service Committee counseled against answering that question, if it was posed to you by the Selective Service Administration.

How, they would say, can anyone answer with any degree of certainty how he or she would react if faced with a particular set of circumstances?

What a shame that these two words—what if—can be so explosive or unsettling! What if they only meant that some new possibility was being considered? Hewlett Packard used the words in its advertising as a way to announce its commitment to innovation. Isn’t the question the basis of imagination and inquiry? Don’t engineers live on these words?

The way in which the question can mean such different things illustrate the power of words and the context in which they are used. When the synonym for “what if” is “if only,” seldom does anything good follow. When “what if” asks a person to speculate on possible behavior, it suggests that there is a crystal ball where an answer is about as reliable as the imagery in the ball.

When the words substitute for “imagine” or “let’s try,” human potential is unleashed.

I remain mystified by why the default position so often for we humans in so many situations is fear. A popular expression these days is “prepare for the worst, hope for the best,” and, to an extent, I understand the posture. Sometimes hurricanes threaten Hawaii; having a reasonable amount of food and water in reserve in case supplies are scarce in the days after a storm hits is good planning. Our friends displaced by the fire in Ventura planned what they needed to take in case of evacuation in advance of the need to leave their home, a prudent action.

But we do not live each day fearing that a hurricane will hit us. Our friends do not spend time asking “what if” as they work to rebuild their home, soon to be equipped with new stuff.

“If only” achieves nothing. “Let’s try” gets our imagination in gear to go forward with confidence.

What if we could replace fear as a default?

Daniel E. White

February 5, 2018